I recently came out to my family and friends on my personal Facebook page about being asexual. Granted, this has little to do with my musical endeavors, and this is a site about a guy who produces music. My music is meant to be an inspiration, and to lift the moods of my listeners. But, I’m also dedicated to help by teaching others. My YouTube channel is filled with tutorials on how to make music, in case you’d like to get your feet wet with it. So, I’ll take a little time to help educate you about what asexuality is. There’s about a 1% chance that you are too, and maybe this post will help you realize something you never knew about yourself.
In short, asexuality is a lack of innate desire for partnered sex. You’d think it would be easy to determine this about yourself, but there can be so many confounding factors. Let’s look at a few of those. I’ve also provided a separate page called Asexual Q&A, or you can start reading here.
Society tells us that we want sex
It’s everywhere. Sex sells, so they say. Sexy advertising, sex themed television shows and movies, and sexy clothing. You can’t avoid it. In high school, your classmates starting doing it. Everyone tells you how great it is. You may have gotten into discussions about who you had a crush on or who was hot. Maybe you were able to fake your way through those conversations, but it certainly always left you curious. With all the buzz about sex, it’s hard to believe we’re the only one who doesn’t want it. Surely we must want it deep down, we’re just repressing it… or something.
People look attractive to you
Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, but if you’ve never really experienced it, how would you know you were missing it? Without it, it’s easy to confuse aesthetic attraction as sexual attraction. Aesthetic attraction is just a draw to look at someone (or something) because it’s beautiful. This might be some of the features that are generally considered as “sexy”. It may just be someone’s face, or their muscular build. However, if this draw to look at someone does not create a desire to have sex with them, then it’s not sexual attraction. Trust me on this one. At the age of 37 when I started learning about asexuality, I suddenly understood this. It would have been nice to know about 20 years ago!
This is probably the biggest one. (That’s what she said?) Sexual arousal is an automatic response that can be caused by several things not related to sexual attraction. But, it’s so easy to confuse with sexual attraction. If the arousal does not lead to a desire to have sex, then it doesn’t mean you aren’t asexual. Again, I wish I had known this about 20 years ago.
Thanks all if you’ve read my summary here. If you have any questions, be sure to look me up on Facebook! Also, here’s the asexual flag. Black is for asexuality, grey is for greysexuality, white is for sexuals, and purple is for community (hence the new purple theme of my site).